Exhausted

I always thought I wanted to be married and maybe have kids, but at this point I'm lacking a worthy partner and time is against me because I don't want to rush into either part out of desperation.

Because desperate is the last thing that I am - otherwise I'm pretty sure I could have accomplished the whole husband thing by now.

I have managed to set up a full life for myself. I have activities and hobbies, and loads of friends that keep me busy. (I've been exhausted this whole year because my weekends are typically packed with socialization not leaving much room for sleep or naps.)

But then Sunday afternoon comes. And you will typically find me on the couch netflixin. Board out of my mind. Thinking that these are the exact moments that I need a companion (You know, and when my light bulbs go out and I'd rather have someone else change them for me). When I just want to sit and do nothing, or talk about non sensical things. But alas, it's just me.

So I tried to remedy this and spent some time dating this year  I've been on a few first dates this year and cancelled and didn't reschedule a few more. No second dates. The first dates weren't bad, they just weren't "the one," or at least the next one. And I just can't be bothered to force something to happen - who has the time and energy to play pretend?

So this brings me to this: I'm exhausted! I'm tired of meeting new people and making small talk - sometimes the same conversations just different participants. I just can't be bothered anymore.

So if you are out there, it's your turn to come find me.

And when you do, you probably won't get this response:

Source

I'm far too irritated at this point...so it will be more of a "Where the eff have you been? You are soooo late! I'm glad you finally showed up, but WTF?!?" But once I get that out, you'll totally love hanging out with me...FOREVER.

My First Rodeo

Mike finally came to Texas. He had training and it coincided with the Houston Rodeo.

It's weird, but nice, how my relationship has evolved with Mike over the years. Right now we are in the friendship stage.

He didn't have anything to do Wed after work so I invited him to the gym with me. I didn't think he'd accept. He did. It was so weird/ surreal / I'm not sure which word to use here to have him in my car and at my gym as if this was everyday life. We talked about his experience with the crack heads downtown ( I didn't think to warn him not to leave his hotel at night) and how he doesn't like Houston because everyone is really nice...except me but he says that's why we get along. (Thanks?)

Friday night I met with Mike and his college friend bff Coop (who actually lives in Houston) so we could head to the Rodeo. I was pretty excited because I hadn't been before, and after all of the new things that Mike has introduced me to it was pretty cool to have the tables turned.

I really liked the events and will def go again. Watching Mike was like watching a kid at Christmas. He kept taking video, rewatching it, and sharing it with us. We then hit up the fair for a bit so the boys could try their hand at the games. It was pretty amusing.

After the rodeo we hit up Midtown for a non stop dance party. Coop & Mike decided to keep their rodeo gear on, bolo ties and cowboy hats included. When people would point out how they looked like Cowboys they would start using their southern accents. I couldn't believe how many people thought they were authentic.

He says that he's a hard core New Yorker and will never leave, but I really think he would like Houston.

Maybe Kids Are A Bad Idea

Kids are still an undecided topic in my life.

Will I or won't I? It really depends on the day. (and what age I am if I ever get married, but that's...you know).

But my friends have kids that I really love and enjoy spending time with...until the weekend of the double bad babysit.

Saturday I babysat Kari's two girls. Abbers being almost 3 (crap, or is it almost 4?) is at a wonderful age. 1. She's potty trained 2. She's pretty self sufficient 3. She just wants to color and play play-doh with me.

MK is almost 2 and is teething.

Sadly for Kari (luckily for me) her dinner plans were cancelled so she was there with me for the first long bit. When she went to her concert I was left to fend for myself for about an hour before R came home to take over. That was the longest and most painful hour of my life.  MK was fussy - as in screaming (not just crying) - the whole time. Literally the whole hour.  I didn't even realize that a kid could scream for that long. I tried food, I changed her diaper, carried her, sang to her, played with her. and nothing worked. NOTHING. In that moment I realized motherhood might not be for me. And the fact that it took only an hour to break me reinforced the idea that motherhood might not be for me.

Sunday comes and I get to spend the day with Em and Logan. Emma is 2 and made of sugar and spice. You really never know what you are going to get. Logan is a few months old and smiles more than any other baby I've known. Their fuss factor is typically really low, so I was hopping this would renew my faith in the whole having kids sitch.

Instead of being the usual ball of sunshine, Logan was also breaking teeth and cried about half of the of the 6 hours I watched him. His cries were not as piercing as MK's the day before, so it didn't make me feel like I was going crazy.

And then we have Em. It was all fun and games until the last 30 min when she woke up from her nap and said to me "I pooped myself." I then notice that she's already diaperless. I now realize that she wears the diaper not just as a precaution, but because she's lazy with the potty training during nap time. There was so much shit. I'm very impressed that I managed now to dry heave when I picked up the diaper with a trash bag as a glove. Or when I was trying to clean her then gave up and put her in the bath.

After the poop fiasco I'm traumatized for life. Brit and Kari say that I will feel different when I have my own kids, but at this point I'm even too scared to babysit.

An Open Love Letter

This whole thing got way too deep and we should
Stop making a big deal out of the little things
Cause I got big deals and I got little things
Got everything I'm asking for but you
//
I'm a just
I'm a let my hands do the talking when I see you baby girl
I miss feeling on you, I miss everything that's real about you
And that's everything about you that's just how I feel about you
Been about you and I'm still about you

xx Drake - Mine

Are We Gonna Get Kidnapped? Or Nah?

My whole Saturday was pretty amaze!

 

I kicked it off with a few chapters of Divergent, Jam with Taffan, Sven, Sabrina, and FINALLLLLYYYYY Amanda! Followed that up with pump when Kate and Rox joined!

 

After an exhausting hour of throwing heavy shit around I had lunch (or a rice krispy as big as my head) with Amanda, Sven, Sabrina, and Corey at Central Market. It was my first time to talk to Amanda since she got back from Hong Kong so I was pretty excite about it. It was a sweet two hours of good stories and watching baby Joy move.

 

I then ran a few errands while chatting with my mom, then back home for more Divergent, an accidental nap, and of course more Divergent.

 

And finally the much anticipated (or anticipated for 24 hours since that's when we made plans) girls night!

 

I picked up Taff and we headed to Cyclone's for dinner with Roxanne, Ashley, and a few of her friends. The conversation was amusing, as always, and lots of laughs were shared. We then hit up Hughes Hanger to get the dance party started and so I could twist my ankle. I'm a trooper so that didn't stop the party! A little after Kat and her friend showed up we relocated to what was supposed to be Nox.

 

Alright, so we hop in my car and Taff maps Nox. We park in a shady parking lot (that's not paved and is all lose rocks and gravel) and walk to this building that looks like a place that people go to die. We get in the door and see there are maybe 20 people there, and the doorman tried to charge us a $10 cover. Ummm... no thanks. Taff and I want to leave and get a parking refund, but Kat gets the fee waved so we go in. The whole scene was weird. Turns out it's called Fox Hollow. We stayed about 30 min before throwing in the towel and heading to Kung Fu.

 

Turns out Kung Fu is the main place everyone still goes on Washington. We even ran into ex-intern Matt!

 

All in all it was another great night with the girls. Lots of good and sketchy memories were made!