It Actually Doesn't Get Better

I miss Andrew.

I miss Super Mario bros on our original Nintendo. Then early mornings and late nights of Cruisin' the World on the N64. Tony Hawk graffiti wars. Family dinners. Eating his crust. Fighting over cinnamon toast slices. Riding the ten lizzies at grandmas and the three wheeled bike taking turns sitting in the back basket. Playing with his toys because boy toys are always the coolest. Laughing and making jokes. Watching Mad TV at dad's house (even though it was against mom's rules) and you getting scared from the one skit about killer babies and me getting in trouble. That one brief period when you decided you DID like chocolate so I had to split my Reese's with you at G-ma's (I think you were just pretending to be annoying). Christmas & Easter traditions. Your birthday parties. Watching Titanic in the theater with you and having to cover your eyes when the nudity came on - that was awkward. Playing all kinds of real and made up games with Justin and Joanna. That one game at grandma's where the die is in that plastic thing in the middle that you have to push and it pops the dice to roll it. Watching you skate. Spending countless hours at your soccer games. Power rangers everything - sorry I didn't do a good job putting the stickers on your toy that one Christmas. Wonderland, Six Flags, Worlds of Fun, and roller coasters.

I miss that childhood memories are fading.

Losing him changed me and my life. I can't even explain it, and no one understands. Something will perpetually be missing inside of me. I miss him everyday.

I just wish that I could relive our childhood and hold onto him and the memories even tighter. I would give anything to hug him again and make dumb jokes.