It Actually Doesn't Get Better

I miss Andrew.

I miss Super Mario bros on our original Nintendo. Then early mornings and late nights of Cruisin' the World on the N64. Tony Hawk graffiti wars. Family dinners. Eating his crust. Fighting over cinnamon toast slices. Riding the ten lizzies at grandmas and the three wheeled bike taking turns sitting in the back basket. Playing with his toys because boy toys are always the coolest. Laughing and making jokes. Watching Mad TV at dad's house (even though it was against mom's rules) and you getting scared from the one skit about killer babies and me getting in trouble. That one brief period when you decided you DID like chocolate so I had to split my Reese's with you at G-ma's (I think you were just pretending to be annoying). Christmas & Easter traditions. Your birthday parties. Watching Titanic in the theater with you and having to cover your eyes when the nudity came on - that was awkward. Playing all kinds of real and made up games with Justin and Joanna. That one game at grandma's where the die is in that plastic thing in the middle that you have to push and it pops the dice to roll it. Watching you skate. Spending countless hours at your soccer games. Power rangers everything - sorry I didn't do a good job putting the stickers on your toy that one Christmas. Wonderland, Six Flags, Worlds of Fun, and roller coasters.

I miss that childhood memories are fading.

Losing him changed me and my life. I can't even explain it, and no one understands. Something will perpetually be missing inside of me. I miss him everyday.

I just wish that I could relive our childhood and hold onto him and the memories even tighter. I would give anything to hug him again and make dumb jokes.

O-TOWN! O-YEAH!

YOU.GUYS.

It all started back in 1999 when ABC aired Making The Band. Because what 13 year old girl doesn't love a boy band, especially when you can watch them every week!

I loved O-Town immediately! I'm talking full on 13 year old fan girl love. I programmed the VCR to record MTB every week so I could watch it over and over (as well as any other performance and appearances). I bought the CD as soon as I could find a copy (small town life can be hard, y'all!). The majority of my allowance and pay checks (once I had a job) went to purchasing every Tiger Bear, Just Jared, Pop Star, and J-14 that had them in it (which was all of them at that time).  A corner of my ceiling was covered in posters. I still have a YM magazine in it's original plastic package because they were on the cover - of course I bought a second copy that could be opened, read, and promptly hung in my locker. Who doesn't buy two copies so you can enjoy one and keep the other forever?  Tiffany (who shared in this obsession) and I would watch their concert VHS on repeat until we could mimic every more you saw on screen.

Now that I'm an adult, my fanship isn't so weird and intense. It just involves purchasing albums when they are released, and following the band on facebook and instagram. Nothing creepy to see here.

ANYWAY. After having a few borderline panic attacks I secured my concert and VIP ticket to see O-town so I can finally fulfill some teenage dreams.





When Jacob comes on stage for sound check I almost die from joy. I was doing my best to control my over enthused smile and crazy eyes and fighting the urge to cry (because that happens when I hit optimal happiness). Then I looked to my right, and there's Trevor and Erik. And yes, I literally couldn't even!

They goof off, sound check, do a few songs to warm up, and I'm in heaven. Literally the best moments of my life are happening right now.

BUT it gets better.

Next up is the meet and great. I'm second in line. I'm starting to sweat and am feeling shaky. I rehears saying my name so that I'll hopefully at least get that out.

It's my turn. Dan greets me with open arms. Oh.My.Gawd. I just hugged a member of O-town. Be cool, Jessica. Be cool. Then Jacob opens his arms. I fight the urge to squeal. By the time Eric hugs me I'm able to tell him it's nice to meet him, and the same with Trevor. They are so nice, generous with the complements, and handsome.  Pictures are taken and I'm just hopping my face doesn't look as crazy as I'm feeling.

Erik personally hands out the VIP t-shirts and signed pictures. He tells me my last name is cool because it's like Lord of the Rings. How is this real life?

We sit with Trevor and chat while he watches the game. I don't say much because I'm totally freaking out on the inside. I'm hanging out with Trevor. Who does that? I did sneak a pic to show Tiffany just how close I was.

A couple of hours, 3 opening acts, and it's finally show time. They do a good mix of the old a new stuff. I swear they even brought back some of the original moves. They sound amazing!

Jacob does the microphone toss in All or Nothing and I scream like I'm 15 all over again! (Totally can't wait to send Tiff the video of that)



The guys signed T-shirts after the performance, so of course I have to buy one!

I meet them again and manage to get out more words. I make sure to thank each of them for coming to Houston. I really am truly thankful because this was one of the best nights ever. Like ever ever! I even tell Jacob about how much I loved the microphone flip and how I always attempt it when given the chance (but usually drop it). He laughs and says he's almost dropped it a few times too. OMG, did we just become best friends?!?

When I get back to my car I scream because I have too many feels! Then I send Tiff all 137 photos from the night.

I made sure to feel and memorize each moment of this night. I just wish I could capture it so I could live in it anytime I wanted because the memories already aren't doing it justice!

Over It.

Source

Celeb gossip has left me emotionally drained. This is a rare sitch since I became a grown up years ago and stopped reading Perez Hilton. But alas, here we are.

First it's announced that R.Patz is engaged....and it's not to K.Stew. I know we had the whole fling with her director, and they've been broken up for months, but I guess the Twilight fan in me was really wanting them to sort their shit in a together forever way.

Next, I read that T.Swift is dating Calvin Harris. No. Just no. I can't get behind this. And what happened to him and Ellie? That was a musical relationship I was 100% behind! Just imagine the magic that their whole album collaboration would have been! I can't even believe I'm writing this, but it would trump Bey & Jay.  (If I disappear, you know it's the illuminate because of that statement).

THEN Nina Dobrev announces that this is her last season on TVD. I can't. I lit.er.ally. can't even. We already said our final good bye to GerBear, and now Elena. Oh, and Tyler (he's still on the show? yes, but not for long). This clearly signals that 1. Damon & Bonnie is totally going to become a thing (which I'm actually not hating after their whole stranded together in another dimension thing), 2. Stef & Caroline obvs! 3. the end must be near. I can't even imagine a life without new TVD episodes. Emptiness, TVD binge marathons,  and probably some therapy are in my future.

But at least we have this. Dancing Channing Tatum is def my favorite! I really wish that he'd make another Step It Up movie.

March Happs

• Kicked the month off by hanging with Britt, Cole, Emma, and Logan in the burbs.
• Was sick for two days. The fever was brutal!
• Dinner & dancing for Katie's bday
• Pole graduation. Fun story: We start class with a warm up and run through of the routine. I manage to almost trip and break my show in the process. So I danced in my converse. And it was kinda awesome.
• Sven's going away party.
• Reinstated self date Saturday & self date Sunday.
• Celeste's wedding festivites!
• Insurgent with Amanda, Bennida + Jeff
• Farewell Jam
• Cameron's first bday party!
• lots of back to back RPM classes

Goals: Q1 Review

As I type this I'm sitting at home because this is the first Friday night all year that I don't have any plans or commitments, and it feels so good! I am in the process of binge watching previous Challenge seasons on Hulu, including my one of my favorite moments when CT created the Johnny Bananas backpack. Since April 1 is right around the corner, I thought this would be a good time to check in on my goals (because I kinda forgot what I wrote).

1. Get it tight, get it right. I'm back in the routine of strength training (in addition to the cardio that I'm getting from my RPM and BodyJam classes) and can tell I'm getting my strength back! I can finally invert again! It's not pretty yet, but I can do it! Slowly I'm getting my nutrition back on track and not eating like I'm 5. Turns out the rumors are true that you can't eat cookies for dinner when you get older because your body doesn't let that shit slide anymore!
2. Run.  I've done a few fun miles here and there, but nothing too steady yet. But a few of my days are about to open up, so I plan on getting some more of that in here!
3. Bitches in Kitchens: I have cooked at least once every week this year. Success! I baked once or twice...I can't really remember. I'll add more of that back into the mix this quarter.
4. Pole. Since I was becoming nothing but frustrated, I decided to take it back to basics. I re-graduated level 1 last month, and am now working towards level 2 graduation once again. I'm feeling much better about this whole sitch, and getting my invert back is def helping!
5. Parkour. The only time I'm free to Parkour is Friday....but I've commitments every Friday this year (pole, friends bday celebrations, wedding related events, etc) so I haven't made it to Parkour once! BUT my Saturdays are about to have some freedom, so Amanda and I will probably hit up that class soon.
6. Dating. Still not worrying about it and focusing on everything else going on in my life.