Surprise, you might have cancer! - just kidding.



If that's what you are thinking, then we are in this together.

Remember when I was sick a few weeks ago? No? Then you should a) visit my blog regularly and b) read a few posts back.

Anyway, I was sick for a week. When I went to the doctor they took a blood sample to check for mono. I was negative but things were funny so I went back two weeks later for them to take more. Then this happened:

nurse: Turns out you are anemic.
me: ok...what does that mean?
nurse: are you tired and lethargic?
me: (thinking about how I take a two hour nap almost everyday after work, and those morning and afternoon naps on the weekend) ehhh, a little.
nurse: We need you to come back for more blood work.

So I did. At this point I'm wondering if it's possible that they are taking so much of my blood that they are contributing to the anemia? Probably not, but it's something to consider.

I show up for my apt and the nurse tells me to walk with her to the lab because they need to get another sample and she needs to give me something.

I get there, sit, wait to be called to get my blood extracted, and the nurse hands me an envelope and says “read this and follow the instructions” and leaves.

WTF? Cancer?!?!?!?

I open it up, and the first page inside says this:


Then I turn it over to find this:

I guess that graph is supposed to make me feel better about how getting screened can hep my chances, but honestly, all I see is "YOU ARE GOING TO DIE!"

WTFityF?!?! Why did she not feel it necessary to even reference what this was about? Is this standard with anemia? Did they find something else? Do they think I might have it? WTF?!?! I feel like they are withholding info about me from me. It took me a sec to process, and by that time she was already gone back to her office.

They also took 6 tubes of my blood instead of the 3 they did the last two times.

I feel like I just got grey goosed.

Maybe I shouldn’t have eaten all of those strawberries. (A nurse told B that the little seeds on the berries can contribute to colon cancer and I had been eating them a lot lately). That morning I was just thinking about how I had some left and should eat them before they spoil. I’m thinking that might not be a good idea after all.

I'm obviously freaking out, so I call my mom to tell her the haps. When I get to work I am in such a crazy place in my brain that I manage to scrape the shiz out of the front of Matilda when I parked. I.die. Then I was freaking out because she's my baby and I just jacked her face up! OMG!

Loooonnnnng story short, I called the nurse that afternoon to ask her about the kit. And this happened:
Me: Hi, you gave me that cancer screening kit today...
Nurse: Yes?
Me: Did something show that makes you think it's a possibility that I might have it?
Nurse: Oh, no. (with a tone that sounds like I was cray cray to ever think that.)
Me: Ok, then wtf?
Nurse: I didn't want to say anything since people were around, and I figured you would call...We're just checking for bleeding so we'll know why you are anemic.
Is she for real? You drop a cancer screening kit on me and just figure I'll call to see what's up? Have you met me? I've only been here three times this month. Do you not remember the look on my face when you told me I'm getting more blood taken? Does that look like the face of someone who will stay calm when handed a cancer screening kit? No. No, it's not.
Had this happened to you, do you think you would have thought they gave you that because it's a possibility, if even the slightest, that you might have it? Or am I completely coco puffs?


  1. Oh my gosh friend! That's terrible. At least write a note on a sticky and post that shiz to the envelope! Or better yet, pull you into a private room to talk to you. That is ridiculous :(

  2. I know! I was freaking out all morning. I'm glad I don't have anything seriously wrong with me, but that was still wack!

  3. Anonymous2.8.11

    I would contact the doctor and complain. This was unethical and unprofessional, not to mention insensitive!! The office needs to know how this nurse is handling patients.

  4. Ahhhhh they totally should have told you what that screening kit was! Honestly I wish the C word was no where on them! We give them out too but not before explaining what we are looking for and how it will work! I wish you would have told me, I could have calmed you in a sec! :) PS eat more steak! ;)

  5. I forget I have a nurse friend. Instead I emailed B and we freaked out! I would love to eat more steak if we had a propane grill...I just don't have the patience for charcoal.

  6. Oh my god this is such a scare! WTF Nurse!? You're not coco puffs and this was hilarious (not that I'm laughing at your expense, just you're so damn funny). And I'm glad you're ok but will have to talk with you about your anemia now, I know nada.